Classic Consulting Quotes

Me: "Hey Jimmy [Our MBA Intern], is conference room A available for us to use?"
Jimmy: "No, it's already booked."
Me: "Hmm... [suspecting an intern moment] can you see who has it booked?"

[Jimmy goes to talk to the receptionist who reserves conference rooms, then comes back.]

Jimmy: "Uh, we do. I booked it for us this morning."

Why the US should raise CAFE fuel efficiency standards

[Note: Please see the previous post on Value Maps to understand the theory underpinning this post.]

CAFE: Corporate Average Fleet Economy; the average miles per gallon of a fleet of domestic autos must meet or exceed for sale in the US. For each 0.1 mpg under this CAFE fuel standard that defines an auto maker's fleet, they will be assessed a fine of $5.50 x the number of cars sold.

Autos have a complex value calculation, with innumerable attributes to analyze, such as the presence of ABS brakes, airbags, or the blinginess of the rims. To simplify our analysis, and to make a point, we can analyze just three significant components of overall product value: vehicle weight, horsepower, and fuel efficiency over time.

First, we can generally agree that the value delivered when buying a car has increased over time over the last 30 years.

A 2008 Toyota Camry delivers more value than a 1985 Toyota Camry.

In the case of weight, horsepower, and fuel efficiency, we would expect all three to increase over time, and indeed we do when we look at the data, albeit not in concert. It actually turns out that there are two phases that these attributes go through.

There are two distinct phases, but what do they mean?

Observations:

Phase 1:
- Fuel efficiency up
- Power down
- Weight down
Phase 2:
- Fuel efficiency flat
- Power up
- Weight up

Let's compare this same time frame to the CAFE fuel standards mandated for passenger vehicles.

There is a correlation between CAFE fuel standards and fuel efficiency.

Correllation does not necessarily equal causation of course, but let's take a closer look again. Let's bring back the chart with the indexed value characteristics.

Observations:

1) There is an inverse link between fuel efficiency and horsepower & weight.
2) This link makes intuitive and logical sense.
3) For the period 1975-1987, fuel efficiency grew over horsepower & weight.
4) For the period 1987-2006, horsepower & weight grew over fuel efficiency.
5) One driver of this shift is government regulation through the CAFE fuel standards.
6) The other driver is consumer and automaker choices to optimize overall value.

Analysis:

1) CAFE fuel standards has likely disrupted normal market clearing choices, pushing fuel economy higher at the expense of horsepower/weight.
2) This disruption has reduced overall consumer value.
3) We can put a dollar value on lost consumer value by converting into dollars the lower happiness of people due to a more fuel efficient car that weighs less and has less horsepower.
4) This dollar value lost is offset somewhat by lower gasoline consumption per mile.

Summary Conclusion and Recommendation:

When CAFE fuel standards go up, consumer happiness goes down (due to smaller and less powerful cars) and the US current account deficit goes down (due to fewer dollars spent on foreign oil).

As a market of individuals, we have chosen our happiness about a bigger car over the geo-political, economic, and social impacts of purchasing 10.1M barrels of oil a day from foreign producers. These externalities aren't accounted for properly by consumers in their decision process, and therefore government should intervene to disrupt the market in a way that properly accounts for these externalities. This policy decreases overall oil demand, and decreases overall consumer happiness, which is a textbook example of when government regulation in a free market is appropriate.

Source: Light Duty Automotive Technology and Fuel Economy Trends: 1975 through 2006, Ken Homa, Consultant Ninja analysis

Value Maps, Explained

Product Value: The sum of the relative value of each component of a product, multiplied by the importance of that component. In equation form:



Where
i = each component of the product
n = the total number of components
a = the relative performance of a component
b = the relative importance of a component to a consumer

Image courtesy of Homa Help

We can apply this concept of a value map to ascribe the relative value positions of competing products. For instance, if you mapped the value of a BMW 750i versus a Toyota camry, the former would have higher marks.

A common way to display this data is then to compare the total value of different products relative to price. Using this methodology, you can compare the relative price/value of different products in the market.


Image courtesy of Homa Help

Value also can shift for a product over time. A 1985 Toyota Camry would have lower value than a 2008 Toyota Camry, for example. To show this graphically, we would swap price in this graphic with time. Or to make it easier to see, you would put time on the horizontal axis and value on the vertical axis, like so.

The 2008 Toyota Camry delivered more value to the consumer than the 1985 model.


This is a useful tool in a variety of business and market situations. In particular I'm interested in how it applies to the US auto market, the topic of a subsequent post.

Source: Ken Homa, Consultant Ninja analysis

Underage Prostitution, coming to you by Disney

For Disney, there are few more crucial tasks than finding and developing talent that appeals to 8- to 12-year-olds and perpetuating the pipeline of clean-cut Disney Channel stars whose singing, dancing and acting can be exploited across multiple platforms.

I read Born to Buy a few years back, and still remember all these quotes from child marketing execs who felt guilty about what they sold; something along the lines of "I'm trying to sell this to kids, but I sure as hell wouldn't want my kid to get this, as a parent."

30 years ago and earlier, child marketing was aimed at the mother, who acted as gatekeeper for products for their children. As such, marketing targeted moms and emphasized benefits to the child that aligned with a parent's priorities - health, education, growth.

More recently, child marketing has shifted to communicate directly to the child, and encouraged kids to manipulate their parents into buying it. Many of these ad execs themselves will say that they are looking to create a source of conflict between children and parents, with the hope that children will win the conflicts (thus getting their parents to buy products).

As my father would say, another example of the decline and fall of the western world.

Source: Disney Revs Up Tween Star Machine

WSJ on Aviation (part 2)

Space Race: A Battle Looms For the Overhead Bins

As American, United and US Airways prepare to start collecting fees on every piece of checked luggage, including $30 round trip to check one bag and an additional $50 round trip to check a second, they are also getting ready to strictly enforce limits on carry-on baggage -- which are commonly flouted -- in hopes of minimizing delays and disruption as flights board. Battles with customers likely will ensue, and fliers will be peppered with baggage-rule announcements, adding more aggravation to the already trying travel experience.

...American's Mr. Dupont [American's senior vice president of airport services planning] says much of the response his airline has received from customers after first announcing the fee has centered on concerns about the airport and boarding experience. American says it is prepared to deal with the changes and hopes bottlenecks won't be created.

...The airline's baggage operation has struggled for many months. Through the first four months of this year, American has been worst among major airlines in baggage reliability, mishandling at least one bag for every 141 passengers, and worst among all U.S. airlines in on-time dependability. In 2007, only US Airways was worse than American among major carriers in the on-time category.

...The rules are complicated -- even Mr. Dupont had to check when asked on how the fee applied to so-called code-share arrangements, when one airline sells another's seats as its own. (The rules of the first airline you fly apply, regardless of which airline sold you the ticket.)

Summary of Key Issues:

1) American is worst in the country at handling bags
2) American is worst in the country for getting people there on time
3) American is going to start charging for every checked bag
4) The rules apply to some passengers but not to others, according non-obvious criteria
5) If you get on board with your bag and it has to be checked, you don't have to pay
6) American's plan for dealing with bottlenecks is to hope that they don't occur
7) American's project lead doesn't know all the rules of enforcement

Recommendation (in the spirit of Long or Short Capital): It's too easy to short any company that underperforms competitors but strives for differentiation through a new, complex, inefficient, and aggravating surcharge structure.

I'll short this whole charging idea, and put the over/under on the date of it's elimination as July 15th.

Source: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121363099388877743.html

WSJ on Aviation (part 1)

Somebody at the WSJ has a sly sense of humor:

FAA Restrictions To End at O'Hare

CHICAGO -- The Federal Aviation Administration said it will lift flight caps at O'Hare International Airport this fall, to coincide with the extension of an existing runway and the completion of a new runway at Chicago's largest airport... based on winter schedule requests, the airlines collectively want to add about three departures per hour. That should result in a modest decrease in delayed flights.

Meanwhile.... "...O’Hare, only 70.4% of flights arrived on time this April [2008], placing it 30 out of 32 of the nation’s largest airports."

O'Hare is the bane of any consultant; they spend $15 billion, and the result is a "modest" decrease in delays.

Source: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121367597468580365.html
Source: http://www.chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?id=29695

On the Road Again...

Thank the Lord, finally after a drought of nigh 8 weeks of local projects and internal development, it is time once again to push off into the great unknown of a foreign city and project. New York City is best experienced only Friday through Sunday. So I'm off to London; how do I get tickets to Wimbledon?

The Consulting Project Lifecycle

One key reason to enter consulting is the rapid pace of learning. Stated differently, on every project you typically start knowing nothing about the client, the industry, or the problem.



Key Event Milestones

Project Start: This is where you typically know nothing. People are throwing around acronyms, different team names, key opinion leaders, and related work references. You will flip through decks from previous engagements with no idea about what it means. The less confident consultant will feel abject paralyzing terror; the more confident will feel the latent possibility of humiliation if their total incompetence is drawn into the light before they have a chance to actually learn something.

Mid-Term Review: You've turned the corner from humiliation to triumph. You finally understand the client, the problem, and are able to throw out a few nuggets of insight that somebody at the client knew already, but the person listening to your brief didn't. If you hit this milestone when your knowledge is above your client's, they are likely to believe your final recommendation. If you don't tell them anything they didn't know already at the mid-term review, the skepticism around your assumptions, analysis, and expectations will be much higher in the final review.

Project Finish: At this point, you know your client's problem much better than they do. You should be able to "out-fact" them on all areas of discussion; if you can't, you have in all likelihood fundamentally screwed up the engagement. Finish the briefing, let the partner send the invoice, go out to a nice dinner, and toast the client for paying you to learn about their business.

The Client Learning Slope:

The client has learned more about themselves and their problem than you ever will. However, they have also forgotten more than you will ever know. With the accumulation of all their knowledge and responsibilities, it is practically difficult for them to ramp up (ie increase the slope of) their learnings. Hence they continue to plod along at a slow, steady pace of improved knowledge.

The Consultant Learning Slope:

On the other hand you, as a consultant, are unencumbered by such things as "industry knowledge", P&L responsibility, staff birthday parties, Friday Hawaiin t-shirt day planning, diversity meetings, needy spouses, housework, etc. Your job is to just learn about one thing, and pull all the hours necessary until you do. The steeper you can make this slope, the better off you'll be.

Implications:

1) Accept that you know nothing when you start. Embrace the potential for humiliation.
2) Learn as fast as you can.
3) Know more than the client by the mid-term review, or be prepared for a death march in the last part of the project.

Consumer Driven Health Care won't stop spiraling health costs

Consumer-driven health care will have three effects:

1) Reduce costs on the 80% of the population that consumes 20% of the health care costs (in the green).
2) Reduce costs on the 13% of the population that consumes 23% of the health care costs (in the blue)
3) Increase the percentage of people in the red, by moving green and blue people who choose to forego their blood pressure medicine to save a few bucks and end up in the ER with a heart attack.

Usually when we reduce costs for clients we focus on reducing the biggest ones not the smallest; it tends to produce results.

Source: Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, Consultant Ninja analysis

Model Error (aka your analyst just fucked up)

Model error is one of those euphemisms that sounds almost academic, clinical, maybe even philosophical. You may encounter this term or phenomenon on an engagement at some point and wonder what it means. Fortunately, a concrete example is readily available.

Moody’s awarded incorrect triple-A ratings to billions of dollars worth of a type of complex debt product due to a bug in its computer models, a Financial Times investigation has discovered.

Internal Moody’s documents seen by the FT show that some senior staff within the credit agency knew early in 2007 that products rated the previous year had received top-notch triple A ratings and that, after a computer coding error was corrected, their ratings should have been up to four notches lower.

Key Takeaway: Don't trust the model your analyst built until you've looked through it yourself, or you expose yourself to the possibility of some serious embarrassment.

Allen and Hamilton must be pissed

The Booz Allen Hamilton commercial consulting partners decided to make a clean break from the staff augmentation government business, and all they had to give up was the Allen & Hamilton name and take an 8-figure payout/partner courtesy of Carlyle.

I remember hearing about the "One Firm Evolution" when they came to my school for MBA recruiting back in 2005. Note to self: when an "initiative" fails, relabel it an "evolution" and begin planning for the opposite to occur.

Technically the firm name is Booz & Company, which provides a nice sounding "Booz-and-company" or "Booz-n-company." Saying it more quickly out loud, it sounds more like "boozing company." I applaud the name. What other strategy consulting firm actually faces up to binge drinking habits in its name? Step 1 is admitting that they have a problem.

I won't judge the logo design itself, since I haven't done enough blow had the expertise that they surely did. But my sources indicate that Wolff Olins did the brand, who are the same people who did the 2012 London Olympics seizure-inducing logo.

With CFOs like this, who needs enemies?

"We raised a million dollars in a 24-hour period for a candidate that every pundit is saying is either toast or dead on arrival... We're in the 16th month of the campaign for a candidate that everyone says has no path to victory."
- Hassan Nemazee, Hillary Clinton's National Finance Chairman

International Herald Tribune

Earth Day 2008

"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke."

What will you do?

CLV-V Heavy

(Consultant Launch Vehicle, 5 SRBs, Additional high Isp center engine)

Delivery Capacity: 38 slides, a market forecast model, and a schedule risk analysis for 2 consultants.
Number of Solid Rocket Boosters: Variable, in this case 5
Height: 18 inches
Total Caffeine: 800 mg
Total Nicotine: 34.02 grams
Center Engine: Variable thrust, fueled by US made mint long-cut smokeless tobacco, throttled up or down as needed. Exhaust juices are expelled into one of the SRBs.

Unified Theory of Consulting

True mastery of a topic does not come from disparate tidbits of insight, but rather a comprehensive framework of knowledge that is internally consistent, empirically testable, and collectively exhaustive. Only then do you have a Unified Theory.

My goal is to create the Unified Theory of Consulting.

The Unified Theory of Consulting

Chapter 1: Core Mission - Creating Value
Chapter 2: Core Lessons - The Lifestyle
Chapter 3: Keys to Success - Levels 1 & 2
Chapter 4: Keys to success - level 3
Chapter 5: Keys to success - level 4
Chapter 6: Keys to Success - Levels 5 & 6
Chapter 7: Recruiting
Chapter 8: Excel

David Meister has a book that attempts to do the same. Mine trikes at the same target, but in a practical and simpler way, and will include some curse words.

Call of Duty 4, or Guitar Hero 3 Today?

These are the crucial questions that confront a strategy consultant on the beach. Thank God I'm not a banker; every one of them I know has lost their job, may lose their job, or got their bonuses hacked. All I have to deal with is deciding whether to use the M249 SAW or the R700 sniper rifle on team deathmatch.













I am catching up on all my half finished posts constructed over the past 10 weeks.

Sometimes a Picture is worth a thousand words

Especially when you're flying to DFW...

Anyone else sick of Hans?

Left-leaning presentation? Check.
Presenting at the uber-cool TED conference? Check.
Funky Scandanavian accent? Check.
Ugly glasses? Check.

Hans Roslings' charts on gdp vs. lifespan and carbon emissions vs per capita gdp are everywhere. Walk into Google's Mountain View campus and the flash application ins on a screen. Garr Reynolds loves the guy. Another consultant called his presentations Porn for Consultants.

I don't get it. Yes it's 5 dimensions of data (time, life span, per capita income, region, population size). Yes it has cool colors. Yes it shows that the US is greedy.

But he puts out two of these charts in 2 years and everyone falls all over themselves thinking he's a genius.

I've got to create a couple of these every 6 weeks, shown on printed paper, with incomplete or garbled data sources. GDP per year? I'd love to graph data like that. Try figuring out a company's last 10 year's of overhead costs:
- Adjust for accounting change
- Adjust for computer system change
- Adjust for acquisition
- Adjust for improperly allocated overhead
- Adjust for restated 10Ks
- Adjust because Susan in accounting can't pull the data that way
- Assume because Frank doesn't feel comfortable giving those reports to the consultants

GDP vs life expectancy and size for population? Hell, I'd give that to an analyst and expect it back in the afternoon.

In the Rainbow Room the dance floor spins

Strangly the room was spinning even when I wasn't on the dance floor. My only picture from our Holiday party accurately depicts my memory of the evening.

Our ass was cabbage, and they were the canner

1 week after starting a short engagement in Korea, we get this email from our Korean counterpart. Now, IANAA (I Am Not An Asian) but my read on this email is that we just got severely criticized for our work focus during the first week. This may relate to our US team leader saying "good morning" at the evening client meeting in butchered Korean, and telling the client in the first meeting that their trillion won investment is a bad idea.

From: Korean Partner
To: US Engagement Team

Thanks for your effort for the assignment!

At this point, I would like to make clear some basic points about our approach in this project:

1) We do not evaluate the client's partners' business plan. What we do is to assist the clients to evaluate the plan.

2) We do not necessarily focus on the largest risks. We need to focus on the risks which the clients ask us to assist.

3) Our primary role is to provide 'measures' for them to evaluate their partner's plan. Measures would include benchmark, check list and level chart.

I am worried about where this project is heading.

Consultant Ninja, the Change Agent: Motto

If you don't throw some hammers around, you're never going to break that glass house that you live in.

Happy Valentine's Day (in this timezone)

Nothing scores points more in a relationship than when your project takes you 6,000 miles away from your significant other during Valentine's Day.

What not to put on a consulting resume (part 2 of a continuing series)

Be still my beating heart...

"Met and worked with David Hasselhoff's action double from the television series Baywatch."

An Open Letter to Garr Reynolds

To: Garr Reynolds (PresentationZen.com)
From: Consultant Ninja
Subject: Your New Book

For every presentation by Steve Jobs...
.... there are 100,000 presentations in corporate America.

Dear Garr-

I just finished reading your new book, Presentation Zen, as part of a long-term interest of mine in reading books about presentation design. You make some great points and it's an easy read. It's too bad that it's totally inapplicable to me and to most people in corporate America.

You see, I work for a management consulting firm. There are three differences in this work that are very distinct from your book's discourse.

First, we are hired to do analysis beyond the client's capabilities. That means data analysis on a level far deeper than sorted bar charts that you print in your book. Of course we are telling stories, but we are backing the story up with insightful data analysis. We would never, ever use stock images - the client isn't paying us for pictures, they're paying us for analysis. Second, the presentation method 90% of the time is sitting at a desk with 1-5 people and going through our analysis and insights in detail. Finally, our slide design is dictated by my firm; using my own slide design is not an option. In corporate America the latter two issues are very much barriers to your readers implementing your ideas.

Unfortunately, for these reasons, enlightened readers in consulting or in corporate America by and large can never implement your ideas.

For your next book, I would suggest two topics to cover. First, write about how a small group discussion with printed slides and analysis-heavy work should think about presentations. Then, target the people who define slide templates for companies. If you could drive those topics then you would really be on your way to changing the world.

Again, interesting book.

Regards,
Consultant Ninja

My Bookshelf

I came to the realization that I've actually become relatively well-read. I don't know when I tripped over that demarcation, but I can honestly say that I think I've got pretty sound understanding of a number of issues.


Design

Worth Reading

Tufte, Edward R. The Visual Display of Quantitative Information.
Liddle, William; Holden, Kritina; Butler, Jill. Universal Principles of Design.

Not Worth Reading

Few, Stephen. Show me the Numbers.
Reynolds, Garr. Presentation Zen.
Robbins, Naomi B. Creating More Effective Graphs.
Tufte, Edward R. Visual Explanations.
Tufte, Edward R. Envisioning Information.
Tufte, Edward R. Beautiful Evidence.
White, Alex W. The Elements of Graphic Design.
Zelazny, Gene. Say it with Charts.

Business

Worth Reading

Collins, Jim. Good to Great.
Godin, Seth. All Marketers are Liars.
Bernstein, Peter L. Against the Gods.

Not Worth Reading

Dodd, Domini; Favaro, Ken. The Three Tensions.
Neislon, Gary L.; Pasternack, Bruce. Results.
Slywotzky, Adrian. The Art of Profitability.

Interestingly, all three of these books are by consultants (Marakon, Booz Allen, Mercer, respectively), and all three are banal and overly broad. I hope their actual work is more inspired.

Pink, Daniel. A Whole New Mind.

Life

Worth Reading

Bach, Richard. Illusions.
Buford, Bill. Among the Thugs.
Chang, Jung. Mao.
Frankl, Victor. Man's Search for Meaning.
Kennedy, John F. Profiles in Courage.
Machiavelli, Niccolo. The Prince.
Pamuk, Orhan. Istanbul.


Not Worth Reading

Diamond, Jared. Guns, Germs, and Steel.

Seriously, did anyone actually read this whole book? It's 400 pages of boredom that could have been writtin in 100.

What not to put on a consulting resume (part 1 of a continuing series)

Resume Hell reminded me about what some people put on their resumes, even for strategy consulting jobs. I've been graced with a role in our recruiting function so I can share a few.

[Military Background]
"Trained for interrogation of P.O.W.s"

Is this supposed to convince me that you will have strong client interview skills, or that you can rough them up if you get out of line?

[Another Military Background]
"Accepted to one of the most selective units in the Air Force, the Air Force Magazine."

I'm reading the first part of the sentence, thinking "wow, is this guy a Navy Seal, Delta Force, or something? I've always wanted to work with Chuck Norris..." only to find out he was a journalist. Watch out for papercuts!

Awesome Used Car Value Mapping

My brother's a commercial airline pilot and frugal like me.

He used a 1990 Taurus for his commute car to the airport for trips, and as such it was a 250k junker. When it recently kicked the can on the drive home he parked on the side of the road, called AAA to tow it away to a junkyard, and called a cab home.

My brother would also make a damn fine consultant.

After some searching he settled on buying a used Subaru outback, based upon snow performance and good reliability. His research indicated that most well-maintained Outbacks get over 200k miles before needing major work done on them.

But what year/mileage/$ to get? He plotted them, and saw that there was a consistent trend of pricing decrease a mileage increases. He took this and went to a used car dealership.

"I'll want to buy a well-maintained used Subaru, and I'll pay you $.06 per mile under 200k miles for it. I don't care how many miles it has."

Whether 50,000 or 150,000 miles, as long as he paid that price, he was indifferent. The used car dealers were blown away, and it's an awesome piece of analysis. It compresses different products into a single comparable number.

He ended up buying a used Subaru with 135,000 miles from the classifieds for 5.1 cents per mile under 200,000.

Complicated....

Modeling the ForEx sensitivity on relative valuations for a merger between a US company with little foreign sales and a foreign company with significant US sales is non-trivial...

The Indignities of Work Travel, Chapter 4

Final Chapter - see Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and Chapter 3 for context.

I'm was in Dallas this week, staying at the W Victory Hotel. I could only reserve a room Monday-Wednesday when I made the reservation during the weekend, but the agent suggested that I ask when I arrived, since "you will be at the top of the waiting list for a room."

Tuesday night, get back to the hotel from dinner. I stop by the front desk.

Me: "Excuse me, I'm due to checkout tomorrow and I'd like to stay until Thursday. I'm on the waiting list to get a room for tomorrow night. Can you tell me if I'll be ok?"
Front Desk Dude: "Um... I don't think we'll be able to accommodate you."
Me: "Can you tell me where I am on the waiting list to see if I'm close?"
Front Desk Dude: "Well, there's a pretty substantial waiting list."
Me: "Do you even know what my name is? How can you know where I am on the waiting list?"
Front Desk Dude: "It's not you, it's that the waiting list is pretty far down the line."
Me: "Huh? What's above the waiting list? Did you oversell the rooms? If so you shouldn't kick me out of my room."
Front Desk Dude: "Actually, we need your room because we have some VIPs coming in...."
Me: "And I'm not a VIP?"

The conversation degraded from there, but I got to keep my room. Next week it's the Ritz-Carlton. I'm not staying at a W anymore, despite the Starwood points system.

The Indignities of Work Travel, Chapter 3

See Chapter 1 & chapter 2.

It's now 8:30am on my Monday morning early EWR-DFW flight, and I'm sitting in 24B.

The flight attendants are now to us, with alcoholic drinks for sale, as well as breakfast sandwiches, bars, chips, and candy available for sale. There is nothing available for free. This is a 4 hour flight, and I paid $1,400 for the ticket.

Me: "Um, can I have a sandwich?"
Flight Attendant: "I'm sorry, we're all out."
Me: "That's ok, I'll have a breakfast bar please."
Flight Attendant: "We're all out of them too."
Me: "Oh. Well, what do you have?"
Flight Attendant: "We have some three musketeers candy bars left. Would you like to buy one?"
Me: "No thanks."

The Indignities of Work Travel, Chapter 2

See Chapter 1.

At the 6:15am departure time of my EWR-DFW flight, nearly everyone is asleep, including myself, sitting in 24B. It is dark.

The cabin crew then makes 4 announcements in the first hour of flight. Among them:

"We'd like to welcome our AA Advantage members onto our flight. If you are not a member, you can sign up by going to aa.com or asking the flight attendant for a form."

A few minutes later:

"We will be starting our beverage service soon. We have complimentary soft drinks, and wine, liquor and beer are available for $5."

It is 6:45am.

The Indignities of Work Travel, Chapter 1

I wake up at 4am Monday Morning, to take a 6:15am American EWR-DFW flight, purchased for $1,400 (just staffed on the project on Friday, so it was a last minute price). As I walk on the plane, I see a large closet.

Me: "Excuse me, can I put my coat in there?"
Flight Attendant: "Well, it depends on where you're sitting."

I'm in seat 24B.

I head to the back of the plane with my coat.

Why Hotel Points Aren't Worth It

In consulting you accrue airline & hotel points rapidly, but they are really a racket,for three reasons:

1) You don't get nearly enough reward out of the pain
2) You self-select out of the best lodging while on project
3) You self-select out of the best places to stay while on vacation

I’m a Marriott guy, closing in on platinum for the year (I had a few in-town projects earlier in the year). First, let’s look at the economics. I stay Monday-Thursday at a Marriott.

- Room rate + tax x 3 nights
- 500 point bonus for platinum status each stay
- Hotel breakfast & dinner
- Dry cleaning
- 20-30% points bonus for status
= 10,000 points!

That's an awesome sounding number. I’m just racking it up! Let me break down the unfortunate reality.

First, you'll be damned if you travel for vacation and stay in a Residence Inn. You want to stay in a Marriott or a JW. That means each night will cost you 30,000 points. For instance, if I work on a 3 month project in Calgary, 12 full weeks, I'll each enough for only 4 days in a nice Marriott. That's a 1/4 of a year, and all you get in return is a M-F stay in a hotel! To me that's a lot of pain for not enough benefit.

Second, you then are corralled into staying at a Marriott during the client stay. The truly intrepid consultants I've found call around to the B&Bs in the area, find a super-nice one and negotiate a steep discount for during-the-week stays. Then you're set - each week you basically stay at a home with a nice couple who will feed you, care for you, and let you feel at home, as opposed to an antiseptic hotel room.

Third, and most important, your vacations are now defined by where there are Marriott hotels. So here's your situation.

You work hard for 6 months, flying away from home 4 days a week, staying in a Marriott hotel.
You take a vacation, flying away from home for a week, to STAY IN A MARRIOTT.

Wait a second. I’m telling myself that I want to take a vacation, yet I do the same fucking thing that I do every other week of the year? How did I get to be so idiotic as to think that this is the way that I wanted to go?

For some people this is what they want. I would think that most consultants would not. Let me give you a concrete example. I got married recently. We traveled through several cities, staying in 7 hotels in total. 1 was a Sheraton (used points), 1 was a Marriott (used points), and 1 was another chain, while the other 4 were boutique hotels.

Hands down, WITHOUT A DOUBT, the boutique hotels were nicer, friendly, more relaxing, more enjoyable, more authentic, more just plain REAL than the chain hotels. When we stayed in the chains it felt more antiseptic, more clinical…. More like work.

Why would you want to do a program that causes you to take vacations that are just like work?

Oliver Wyman has a good insights article on this.

Wedding Registry Crap

A Guy’ Guide to Wedding Registry Crap

I was recently married, and as a guy, I really couldn’t care less what kind of flowers would be perfect for our wedding. My tuxedo was black with a white shirt. However, as someone who recently went through the wedding system, I have a couple of pieces of advice for doing the wedding registry.

1) Honeymoon funds: Asking for money only is seen as tacky, but if you have a normal registry and a honeymoon fund registry, it’s seen as more ok (this is in the East Coast at least). We used honeyfund.org, since all the others look much nicer but charge you 5-12% transaction fees. Nothing says thanks to a guest like making them pay $10 to a 3rd party company for each $100 they give you.

2) Pots & Pans: Go with All-Clad. You’re buying pots that will last you 30 years, so may as well get the nearly best there is. They have the MC2 (masterchef 2 – brushed aluminum), stainless steel, copper core, and then all copper, in rising order of cost. We went with the MC2, since it’s a) the cheapest, b) the brushed look will absorb abuse while being less noticeable, and c) we’re not good enough cooks or snobs to be able to say that we can tell a difference in cooking performance between different types.

3) Knives: You have German (Wusthof & Henckel) and Asian (Shun, etc). They’re all expensive. Just get a block set, maybe 7 piece, based upon what feels & looks best to you. Use for the next 15 years of your life.

4) Everything Else: Let your wife choose, but delete the most outlandish things that you know you'll never need.